After last night, I could never be a politician.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
