Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
