new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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