Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
