Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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