Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
