is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
