i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
