I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
