at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
