Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
