So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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