you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
