Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
