I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
