at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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