Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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