Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
