I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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