Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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