Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
