Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
love makes seman taste better
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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