I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
