I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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