I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
