You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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