I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
