dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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