In America we eat man semen.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
