How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
