I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
