ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
