areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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