I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So here I am, sexting at work.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
