I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
