You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
is that a dick in a sweater?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
