we have pet lesbian snakes
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
