I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
