Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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