lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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