Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
