If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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