Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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