Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
