she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
