i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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