I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
