Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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