My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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