Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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