Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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