tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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