Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
