What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
