I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
