oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
