im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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