Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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