My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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