Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
