She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
