I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
