Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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