I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
