Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
