just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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