so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
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Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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