He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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