She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
