I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
