Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
