His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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