do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
