I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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