I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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