I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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